shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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