well I can't set my house on fire every night
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
