well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
