we're chasing vodka with high fives
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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