its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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