you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
