the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
