she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
