i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
