Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
