apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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