Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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