A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
