I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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