I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
