Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
