Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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