I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
