and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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