I hate your face
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
