my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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