I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
