Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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