i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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