he puts the penis in happiness.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
