no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
