i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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