Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
