i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
