So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
