i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
