Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
