I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
