I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
