remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
