He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my sisters under your porch take her home
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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