Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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