now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
