i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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