What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
