The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Who died my cat blue again?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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