He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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