my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
