we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
