Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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