I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
