ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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