Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
