dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
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I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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