the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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