If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
