FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
