I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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