took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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