you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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