it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
