So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
