seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
