Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
