I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
