I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
